Parents are there for every early morning practice, every long road trip, and every hard-fought game. Now, as your child starts the college recruiting and scholarship process, it’s natural to want to do everything possible to help. After all, this moment represents years of their hard work—and yours too. But there’s a fine line between supporting your child and taking over the process in a way that could unintentionally hurt their opportunities. So, how involved should you be, and what should you do (or not do) to help? I clearly remember that at the time (despite being experts in their fields of education and coaching) my mom and dad were beyond appropriate in attending college visits with me, saying the right things, and deferring to me regarding decisions on my next steps. If you’re not sure how you can be supportive while not overstepping, below are a few things to consider.
Your Role as a Parent: Supporter, Not Spokesperson
Coaches and recruiters want to see that your athlete can communicate, advocate for themselves, and handle responsibility. While it’s tempting to step in, recruiters don’t want to hear from parents first—they want to hear from the athlete. A well-spoken, independent student-athlete stands out more than one whose parents handle everything. That said, your role is still important! You can be a guide, a sounding board, and a source of encouragement while making sure your child stays on track.
What You Can Do to Help Your Athlete
Here are some meaningful ways parents can assist without overstepping:
Encourage them to take the lead in communication. Have your athlete draft emails to coaches, make phone calls, and respond to messages. Offer to proofread their emails but don’t send them yourself.
Help them stay organized. Keep track of scholarship deadlines, NCAA eligibility requirements, and official visit schedules.
Teach them how to research schools and programs. The first step is educating yourself, and then use your research to help your child compare categories such as scholarship packages, academic opportunities, team culture, and others. Again, let them make their own lists and decisions.
Attend college visits, but let your athlete lead the conversations. Coaches notice when a recruit is engaged in discussions versus when parents are asking all the questions.
Support them emotionally. The recruiting process can be stressful. Be there to celebrate wins and encourage them when things don’t go as planned.
Ensure financial aid forms and eligibility documents are completed. You may need to fill out FAFSA, tax forms, and other official documents, but your child should handle their portion of the application.
What You Shouldn’t Do for Your Athlete
Even with the best intentions, some actions can backfire. Here’s what not to do:
Don’t contact coaches for them. Unless a coach specifically asks for parent communication, let your athlete handle all outreach.
Don’t demand scholarship increases or negotiate aggressively. Athletic scholarships are budgeted carefully. Coaches may reconsider a recruit if parents push too hard for more money.
Don’t speak for them in interviews or on visits. If your child is serious about playing at the next level, they need to show maturity and confidence in their own words.
Don’t pressure them into a decision they’re not ready for. This is their future. Guide them, but let them make the final choice.
Your role in the recruiting and scholarship process is crucial—but it’s about guidance, not control. The best thing you can do is prepare your child to advocate for themselves, make informed decisions, and take responsibility for their future. By knowing when to step in and when to step back, you’re setting them up for success—not just in college but in life.